Naruto the Ulimate Prankester
by VizeerLord
Summary: It is all in good fun...untill someone loses an eye...
1. Chapter 1

Ultimate Prankster

Chap 0

isdh

The night of the academy test.

He had failed the standard exam, yes.

But he had passed the first part of the make up exam.

He had the scroll.

He squatted in the forest, reading the scroll.

Multi kage bushin Jutsu.

Had learned the first one. Simple, it was easier than the academy bushin...the next one...

Explosive bushin jutsu.

If he read this correctly, it would be the ultimate prank jutsu...with a little tweak, there would be no prank, no target, that could/would be out of reach...

This one... it had no prank value. It was designed to hurt someone...

but he was a ninja... OK, he would collect this one also.

His head jerked up...He could hear the approach of Mizuki...he had time for one more...

Ah this one...he quickly read the the jutsu descriptors.

But it was not Mizuki that landed in front of him...

"Naruto, What have you done?" hissed Iruka, "Why have you stolen the scared sealed scroll?"

"Mizuki-sensei told me to. He said that it was a extra-credit test to make-up for what I could not do in class." Naruto answered calmly. Taking a second to rescan the five jutsu on the scroll, he rerolled the massive scroll up, and resealed it. "Is there a problem,Iruka-sensei?"

"Half the village is out looking for you and that scroll. It is believed that you have stolen it, and are planning to leave the village."

"Why would Mizuki-sensei lie to me?"

"I can answer that." Mizuki answered from a branch above. "You were just so trusting," the gray haired ninja taunted, "So eager for attention, so ..." He flung a massive shuriken at the stunned blond boy.

Only for Iruka to imposes himself in front of the child and take the point of the shuriken himself.

"Sorry, Naruto. I could not see your value in time. Now run." as he crumpled to the ground.

Mizuki cackled as he drew another massive shuriken, and spun it. "Time to die, Demon!" he flung the shuriken at the boy...

...only for the boy to duck under the whirling blade of death. "Ah, Mizuki-sensei, To prove that I completed your little test... **Multi-kage-bushin-jutsu!**"

Suddenly the clearing was packed with Naruto clones. Then they went to town on the poor instructor.

Twenty minutes later, eight ANBU landed in the clearing, to find a burned and tie-died Mizuki, bound and gagged with the rags of his own clothes. Naruto was giving Field Medicine to a wounded Iruka.

Iruka lifted the massive shuriken, ready to defend his student, but the lead ANBU waved him off. "The Hokage told us what happened. Are you needing help?" at Iruka's shake of the head, collected the bound traitor and vanished into the night.

"Genin Uzumaki, the Hokage wants to see you." drifted out of the night...


	2. Chapter 2

Ultimate Prankster

Chap 01

isdh

Naruto sat, squirming in the outer offices of the Hokage Tower. A med-nin had looked him over, but seeing no real injury, was changing Iruka's bandages.

As the white coated med-nin was muttering, "This is a mess, who did this, who taught them?"

"I did the field work." Naruto answered. "It is what I do when I am bleeding out, it was I was told to do, by your command staff. If I am going to be 'spoken to' for doing something the way the I was told to do it, Should I not have been told to do it correctly the first time?"

Looking over his shoulder, the med-nin frowned. "Okay, come here. If you continue this style of field medicine, you will causing more work for the medic-corps. All this does is stop the bleeding." looking again at the boy that now stood two feet away. "What I know about you, That is all _you_ need. But for us, you are binding the blood vessels, mussels, and tendons into knots. For most of us, this would cause the wound to fester and rot, if not healed quickly." with a quick flick of his fingers, the field dressings fell to the ground, cut cleanly way from the wounds. Pulling a gauze square from the open kit beside him, the Med-nin wiped away the oozing blood, and dried scabs. Focusing chakra into is hand, he drew his palm over the wound, allowing the skin seal up, as if the wound was never there.

"How did you do that?" the whiskered youth asked. His eyes wide as he sucked in all info he could.

The Med-nin frowned, as he engaged his eyes in a Hyuga- isk fashion. Seeing the vast chakra network housed in the boys chest, his eyebrows unfurled. "Okay, you have the power, so here is the basic learning scroll of most medical ninja." he pulled a small green scroll from his kit, and handed it to Naruto. " At this time, you must not use any of this on humans, until you are cleared. Meet me at the front door of the hospital, tomorrow at sundown. I will see how you are doing, and instruct you in proper Field Medicine. Seeing as you are now a ninja of the Village, having you know how to patch up your fellow ninja properly is the least I can do."

Iruka caught the eye of the Medic ninja, and nodded. "Should have included it in the Academy, but with so much being limited by clan jutsus and personal abilities, the school board has all but cut out true field medical jutsus. Let me know when you have a few hours free, and we will look into correcting this oversight." then his mouth twisted sourly, "Would have inquired as to his skills in general, but was pressured from the council not to give the gaki any extra instruction."

"It almost cost you, your arm and leg, and me some serious time and effort." The Medic stood, and offered his hand to Naruto, "The Name is Renten. I will be your Medical Sensei." Looking to Iruka, "I will send you a copy of what time and days I have free." A quick bow to both and he was gone.

121

The Hokage sat in his office, gazing into the crystal orb. He smiled as he watched the Medic interact with the Jinchuuriki. He knew that the people reacted against his wishes to the young male, but the Medic was taking the time to get to know the boy. Seeing the handing of the scroll, raised his eyebrow.

'So the boy is going to learn some medical jutsu, good.' he stroked his chin, sipped from his pipe, 'Time to call those two in, then.'

"Naruto! Iruka! Get in here!"

Shortly the two ninja were standing before his desk.

"Naruto, I think it is time you learn the first of a few secrets about you, why you are an orphan, why the village hates you, and Where your power comes from." the old man sipped from his pipe, before exhaling a cloud of smoke. "Your Mother died from complications that arose during childbirth. Your Father died in the Attack on the village, the attack of the nine tailed fox; the Kyubbi. When the Fourth Hokage fought and defeated the Demon-Fox, he sealed the Biju in a new-born child."

He sipped again as Naruto cocked his head, before his eyes spasmed wide. "I was the child?"

"Good. The next morning, when the news was told to the village council, I told them of the great sacrifice that you and the Forth had provided for the village. I also told them of the Forth's finial wish, that you be seen as a savior. I was going to place you with a Ninja that I had complete trust in, for her to raise you as her own, so you could know the love and support of a family. But the Council called for your death. When it was Known that killing you would just release the Biju, another option had to be found. The Elders demanded that you be placed in the Orphanage, and out of my control. To try to further protect you, I passed a law that you and those of your generation were not to be told. And while the village did not break the law, not directly, they sure bent the hell out of it."

"And when I was four?" the Young man asked.

"By that Time, fear, rumors, and disbelief had grown strong enough that those who watching over you were losing their prospective. That was why I moved you to your apartment. And while work kept me busy, I did try to look after you as I could."

"Sir, You know how I told you, Most of the stores refuse to serve him, or overcharge him when he does come in." Iruka spoke up. "Other then the ramen stand and a small family run Ninja store, Naruto is not allowed in any of the stores around town. Mothers do not allow their children to play with him." Iruka looked down at the boy at his side, "Even the Teachers at the school treat him poorly. Myself included. If Not for your talk earlier this year, I would have written him off as useless." Looking back at the old man, "I personally fear that your law is holding in letter only."

"that reminds me." Naruto dug into his pocket and pulled out a list. "I need these items, jiji-sama, Now that I am a ninja. I need them in bulk, so going to the one shop I do business with will not be enough." He passed the list to the Hokage.

The old man read the list, then looked at the scroll still across Naruto's back. "I need that scroll back, boy."

Grinning like the fool that he is, Naruto unslung the scroll and tossed it on to the desk.

"Naruto, I need you to know, that jutsu you used to bring down Mizuki, it would have killed Iruka to preform it. It requires massive amounts of chakra. If I attempted to use it, I might be able to create ten, maybe twelve. Then I would be out of chakra for hours. How Many did you create?"

"I donno. I lost count at one hundred and twenty."

"And your energy levels?" the Old man leaned forward.

Naruto closed his eyes, as he looked inward. "Not any lower then if I had just spent the day on the training track."

"A gift from the Forth and your tenet. With the Biju sealed within you at such an early age, your chakra coils developed at a rate unheard of in the village. You are able to do things that are above and beyond many of the greatest ninja of the world. In time you could even surpass the Forth." the Third rapped his pipe to empty it of the ash. "Tonight, go home, sleep. Tomorrow you have pictures, a few jutsu to learn, and all that. I must ask that you keep what you just learned a secret for now. I will see you just after lunch. Dismissed."

"Good Night, Sir" Iruka turned on his heel, and headed out.

"Good night, jiji-sama." Naruto bobbed his head, then trotted out.


	3. Chapter 3

Ultimate Prankster

Chap 02

isdh

the Next day...

Naruto awoke to the clatter of his alarm clock. A backhand sent the thing flying. It being a refuse bin rescue, it could take the damage.

Naruto groaned, he was stiff and sore, but that was not uncommon, as he was often stiff and sore the morning after a day like yesterday. He lay huddled under his rag of a blanket as he remembered the night before...

"Yata!" He exploded to his feet. He had a big day planned.

He cleaned up, dressed, and tieing the forehead protector cross his brow, he set out across the roof tops, heading for his first appointment.

Getting the Photo done was no issue, He even took the trouble to be normal, other then his now trade mark orange track suit. Pulling a battered pocket watch out, he noticed that he had two hours until lunch, followed by a meeting with the Hokage. Putting away the watch, his hand dragged across the scroll he was given by the medic-ninja last night. Now he just needed a place to sit and read it.

He picked the roof across from Ichiraku's ramen. Crouching down, he pulled the medic-ninja's scroll from within his jacket. Unrolling it, he settled in to read and study. Two hours later, all he had was a head ache, a grumbling stomach, and more questions.

He dropped to the street, and entered the Stand. "Hey Uncle, lets start with four miso, three beef, and three pork!" He called out as he vaulted onto his stool. "Got a big appointment with the Hokage."

* * *

Naruto stepped lively but politely into the outer offices of the Hokage. The secretary was busy reading a gossip manga when she heard the light foot step of a ninja. Looking up with a pleasant grin, that fell from her face once she saw who was standing in the room.

"Get Out! You have No Business here!" She hissed.

"Why not?" Naruto asked.

"This office is for Ninja, and Clan Elders," She spat with venomous hatred. "Not for Demon-spawn gutter trash like you."

Naruto smiled. "Would you please repeat that, I did not quite hear that."

Her face as red as his outfit was orange, her hands shaking with Rage, "You Vile Scum, You heard me. Now get your demon infested carcase out of this office, Before I call the ANBU to drag you out into the street and drop you into the gutter where you belong!"

Naruto cocked his head to the side, before releasing a vile chuckle. "My dear, misinformed, Lady. I am sorry to inform you that you have violated a major law, obstructed a ninja of the Leaf in the performance of his duties, and threatened to abuse the power of your position. Is that correct Jiji-sama?"

She froze, then from behind her, she heard a sigh. "Yes Naruto. You realize you just put me in a great bind, she was the best secretary I had ever found. It is going to be a bitch to replace her, and in the mean time, my paperwork is going to increase." The Third stepped from the shadows. "Toro, Please take her to Ibiki. An example must be made."

ANBU with bull ring through the nose of his mask clapped a hand on her shoulder, "This way, please."

Naruto followed the old man into the office, closing the door behind him. "What is going to happen to her?"

"A few hours of waiting to see our master interrogator, a few questions, maybe a mind scan." The Hokage answered, dropping into his chair. "No real harm, after all she is the best secretary I have ever had. She will be told that she was spared the full treatment and given her job back because you asked that she be spared." Packing his pipe, He looked at the young genin across the desk, "Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, I did not want her hurt, but scared would do." Naruto did the mime thing where he leaned on a wall the was not there...a cross between standing at attention and goofing off, but with none of the insulting or mockery that could be called due to the fact he was standing before the Hokage.

The old man dropped a few scrolls on the desk, "I pulled your mother's basic training scrolls. These here are her clan teachings. I could not give them to you earlier, because as a student and civilian, the Council had the finial say in what could be given you, but now as one of my ninja, They can go shove hot coal up their collective asses." He waved at the scrolls, and Naruto vanished them into his coat. "As to your father's scrolls, Those are going to take a little longer. Like you, he was an orphan, and like you he was a bit of a prankster. Many of his Basic jutsu are what we use as academy basics. Now Tomorrow, you will be assigned to a your Genin team, where you will learn to function as a part of the team, and to grow as a ninja."

As the Old man droned on, the door inched open, the slammed open as a small blur charged into the room. Four strides in, it tripped over its feet, and sprawled across the floor, the shuriken it had clutched in its grubby little paw skittered under the Hokage's desk.

Looking about, the little guy, spotted Naruto doing his Mime-on-the-wall thing again. "You Fouled my attack on the Hokage, Now feel my wrath!" He drew a wooden Kunai and lunged at Naruto. Only to be held off by one hand to the head.

Just then a thin man in coloured glasses entered. He glared at Naruto.

Naruto noticed the Glare. "Go ahead, say it." it was the same glare everybody threw his way.

"Honorable Grandson, Come away, we need to take your training to the next Level." deciding to ignore Naruto, hoping that his charge would do the same.

"We Done here, Jiji-sama?" inquired Naruto.

At the old man's nod, he walked out the front door.

The youngling noticed that his jonin instructor had been upset that the Blond had been there, that Ebisu had thought that the Blond was below his status. And to the youngling's point of view, if it upset Ebisu, it was something needed looking into...

While the Jonin was droning on about how he was the guide on the tour to becoming the next Hokage, Konohamaru trotted out after the Blond.

* * *

Naruto had played along with the youngling, taught him the basics of the the 'sexy- jutsu' and how to sneak about the town. After about two hours, Konohamaru had the henge down. The boys were sipping a soda in the wooded park as they talked about their plans in life.

As Ebisu found his charge, he landed in a tree near by. Being a Ninja first, he waited to see if his prey had noticed his arrival.

"Yes, the sexy justu is powerful, it can even take out a 'kage' class ninja, but it must be used at the right time. Outside of learning to master it, and teaching it to you, I use it at most, once a week. It packs a bigger punch when they are not expecting it. The greatest of ninja are not taken out with great Jutsu, but by either genin or lower people doing something stupid, or by something that breaks their focus."

"And me shifting to female, in the middle of combat, or when Ebisu is lecturing me..." Konohamaru perked up.

"You might get it once, But like most blowhards, Ebisu-sensei most likely closes his eyes while lecturing, so it it is easier to just tip-toe away." Naruto held his head and empty hand in a mockery of Ebisu's lecturing pose, before dropping it and his shoulders. "It would be better to just pop out a clone, and run for it, which is something I can not teach you." his hand rubbed his tummy. "Something to do with my chakra levels." he perked up, "I can show you the basic hand signs, though."

"Damn Gaki, corrupting the Honorable Grandson..." Ebisu dropped from above. "There you are. Come away, from that detestable influence, at once!"

Konohamaru out of anger and spite flipped through the quick hand signs, **"Sexy-no-jutsu!" **In his place was a sixteen year old brunette, wearing only dimples and a smile.

Naruto face palmed. "And they call me thick headed."

Ebisu's left eye twitched, "And just what has that degenerate been teaching you!"

Because of the multiple times Konohamaru had cast the jutsu that day, just in the last two hours, it quickly popped. Ebisu grabbed what he could, the scarf on his charge, and tried to drag the youngling away.

Seeing his young friend in trouble, Naruto moved to help the boy. "Sir, That is just going to make it worse."

"Stay out of this, you...you..." Ebisu snarled

Something snapped in Naruto, he went from being relaxed, laid back to pissed. "Say it!" he spit as took an aggressive posture. "I won't ask for you to receive the Mercy that Jiji-sama's secratery got, Say it, and beg Ibiki to stop!" Naruto hissed, "Say it and break the law twice!"

"Be gone you corrupter of ..." Ebisu's anger fowled his speech once again... "Just what do you think you can, do about it?"

A twitch of his hands, and Naruto had the clearing packed with clones.

"Ha! Attack me, and that headband you value so highly will be gone before the dust clears. Attacking a ninja of the village, is a major offense!" he pulled the still struggling Konohamaru closer.

Naruto's predatory grin turned Evil. "You see, Konohamaru, You just used one girl, a brunette, but that might not be what Ebisu-sensei likes. Seeing as how he is allowed around children, you can rule out child rapist." Naruto stood up, and interlocking his fingers, placed his hands behind his head.

Ebisu froze from trying to contain his charge, who also stopped struggling.

"But seeing as how he is also a free man, in this village, the odds of him being a rapist drop very very low. Judging by the way he looked you over when you henged, he is not into men, so that leaves three body types, four hair colours, five age groups... **Harem-no-Jitsu!"**

* * *

A low chunin had drawn the short straw, and was playing secretary until the Hokage could get a new one. He had just finished brewing his tea, when he heard a thump come from the Hokage's office. Moving as only a ninja could, he hurried to protect the Hokage...

...only to find the old man collapsed, and twitching in a pool of blood, a glass sphere rolling in circles, and the desk overturned.

Two ANBU, and a medical Ninja were right behind him. One of the ANBU, a woman in a hebi mask, took one look at the scene, snorted, and replacing her kunai, left. "You 'guys' handle this. I got 'real threats' to look after."

the two males cringed at the noticable quote marks in her parting remark.


	4. Chapter 4

Ultimate Prankster

Chap 03

isdh

The smoke cleared to reveal a twitching Ebisu, a confused Konohamaru, and a smug Naruto.

"How did you get him, when mine was useless?" Konohamaru asked.

"Three reasons," Naruto counted out on his fingers, "One, he was expecting something from you, two, the difference in our chakra levels, and three, he is just not into sixteen year old brunettes."

"How did you get him so easily?" Konohamaru poked the twitching jonin with his toe.

Naruto just chuckled. "Remember what I said about timing? Odds are he was watching us for a few minutes, so he knew that we were up to something. Seeing that he has a dislike for me, I pushed him. He was close to breaking a law laid down by your grandfather, but when I pushed, he attacked from a different angle. He attacked my core values. So I returned the favor. He was so angry that his mental focus was brittle." Naruto sighed, "I did not gain any favor with him, but he did not gain any in my eyes either."

"So, Boss. What's next?" Konohamaru asked as he turned his back on the downed Jonin.

Looking at the downed jonin, Naruto frowned. "That depends, what do you normally do at this time?"

Konohamaru looked at the sky to judge the time. "I got another hour before I must return home to wash up for dinner."

At the mention of food, Naruto's stomach grumbled. But then he had a light lunch, only 5 bowls of ramen...

"Rule number one," Naruto said in the manner of the greatest sages, "always eat a good meal. Follow me." And off the two boys went, hunting that tempting prey; another bowl of ramen.

121

With a gasp, the Hokage bolted upright. "I swear, that Gaki is going to be the death of me. Him and that 'sexy-no-jutsu' of his."

The ANBU snorted, "I hear that one is a 'Hokage Killer'. Had Hebi ready to cut any male that crossed her path."

"Now cross that with a hundred and twenty shadow clones that had enough chakra to henge..." the Hokage held his head as the blood flow rebalanced through his system.

The ANBU froze. "That could be bad, a hundred and twenty nude sixteen year old blondes..." his voice trailing off.

"When I threw the orb, he was not doing just sixteen year old blondes. He was doing a full spread, and I quote, 'three body types, four hair colours, five age groups.' I threw the orb, and kicked over the desk as fast as I could, and it still laid me out."

"And you still claim that he is not a threat to the village?" asked the medic-ninja.

"Only if you count being flashed by 'Naked Women' a threat." The Hokage finally made it to his feet, and stumbled over to the couch, where he slumped. "Wake me in an hour, I need a quick nap." he closed his eyes and settled in. "Oh, that reminds me," without opening his eyes, he pointed to the chunin, "Send a runner to Ibiki, tell him I need Miss Haruno here. When she arrives, she is to clean the office."

121

"**Harem-no-Jitsu!"**

Hinata closed her eyes, and bowed her head. There were times her love interest was less then a perfect match for her.

When he had first performed this move on their teacher, the poor man had blown a gasket, but recovered quickly. Seeing as how it had effected their teacher, she had tried it at home, in her room. It had taken her three days to master the mechanics of the jutsu.

A week later, one of the Elders had been ranting about how weak she was, and the sweet, timid girl flipped through the hand signs. Three seconds as a naked full grown woman had dropped the elder, proved that she was not completely weak, and gotten her out of the elders warpath.

The Elder was still avoiding her.

She smiled, her Naruto was improving...and she was improving along with him.

Seeing Naruto lead his understudy of to Ichiraku's Ramen Bar, She chuckled and turned to head home to the Estate, stopping to prod with her toe, the dazed Branch male who had been assigned to watch her.

Rule number one after all.

121

The two young males were running full out through the middle of town, or at least Konohamaru was, Naruto was running just fast enough to stay two strides ahead of the boy. Many villager cheered on Konohamaru, thinking the smaller boy was going to try and hurt the Master of Orange. As they approached the ramen stand, Naruto jumped and landed on an empty stool, huffing only slightly. Konohamaru was panting heavily as he climbed on to his stool.

"Hey old man, Got a new convert for ya!" Naruto yelled out in greeting. Turning to Konohamaru, "You were talking about a shortcut to becoming Hokage?"

"Yeah, Ebisu-sensei says that he will teach me the the shortcuts to becoming Hokage."

Naruto snorted, "The only shortcuts there are to becoming Hokage, are not what we the people of this village want in a Hokage. They include murder, not just killing, but murder, torture, and other nasty things that as Hokage, we are to protect against. It is not just a position of power, It is a position of respect, honor, and..."

"Okay, so there is no shortcut to the Hokage. But why do you want it?"

"I am tired of being ignored, or abused." Naruto smiled at the waitress as she set a pile of bowls beside the old man who was mixing a pot of stock. "Okay old man, lets start with three bowls of miso, with egg. And a bowl of..." he turned to look at the youngling next to him.

"Pork, please." Konohamaru ordered.

The old man nodded. Began to work his magic.

"Abused? How were you Abused?" Konohamaru asked.

"Some people threw things at me, Many shops over charge me for things, unless my ANBU handlers are right there. In fact this is the only restaurant in the village that will serve me. Good thing that Ramen is my favorite." Naruto grinned.

"That bad? Then why do you want to be the Hokage? Why not just go else where?" the small boy asked.

"I thought about it. Many people would rather I left, but there is your grandfather, these lovely people, a couple kids from the Academy, and now you, that would be saddened if I left." looking at his small friend, "Besides, where would I go? Jiji-sama has all my money."

"And those who abuse you?"

Naruto grinned, "I am after all the Ultimate Prankster. Those who target me, get targeted in return. I can honestly say that only one Ninja can catch me in all of the Village, right now. Iruka Sensei is the only guy to catch me. Ether before my prank is finished, or just afterwords." Naruto looked towards the academy, "I looked into it, it seems that he is the former Prank master king, he surrendered his crown just after becoming a genin. I am going to hold on to my crown until I become a chunin. Believe it!"

three bowls of miso ramen landed in front of Naruto and a pork in front of Konohamaru.

After eating half his ramen Konohamaru turned to Naruto. "So 'taking' the post of Hokage is out of the question. So how do I get them to stop calling me 'Honorable Grandson'?"

"They do it out of respect for Jiji-sama. You, yourself are just a child. Until you do something that overshadows the fact you are the 'Honorable Grandson' of the Third, you are going to have to either put up with it, or ignore it." Naruto finished his third bowl. "Ahh!, now for your next trick."

Naruto hopped off the stool, stepped into the street, looked both ways, grinned at Konohamaru...and exploded into a puff of smoke. When the smoke cleared, there was a garbage can where he was standing.

The old man leaned on the counter, "Now, about the bill?"


End file.
